Libertarian Senator Caught Using Freeway, Resigns

WASHINGTON, DC—Staunch conservatives are reeling this morning following the resignation of Tea Party folk-hero and libertarian senator Andy Bosworth (R-IA). A tearful Bosworth announced his decision after a hidden camera caught him driving on Interstate 495, also known as “The Beltway.” Bosworth apologized to all of his fellow libertarians for using “the government-sponsored Socialist pipe-dream that is the federal highway system.”

“I’ve been so good for so long. That’s what makes this so hard to admit,” Bosworth said. “My kids all go to individually-funded private schools, I maintain a hydroponic marijuana crop in my basement, and I haven’t paid income taxes in over 30 years. But none of that matters now.

“I made a mistake. I knew it was wrong as soon as I hit that on-ramp, but I didn’t stop. I kept going, I obeyed the fascist traffic laws, and now I have to pay for this, myself, on my own, not with some handout.”


Tags: , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: